


Not for the faint hearted

by Outdoorsy



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Fainting, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2020-02-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:54:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22880638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Outdoorsy/pseuds/Outdoorsy
Summary: Jun had been ignoring his feelings for Sho for the last years, but somehow he ended up in his bed. Hadn't it been for his murderous headache and the pending anger he was faced with, Jun was certain that this could be the love story he had been longing for. Or maybe it was?(Just another self-indulging sickfic)
Relationships: Matsumoto Jun/Sakurai Sho
Comments: 5
Kudos: 58





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

With a groan Jun rolled over and slapped his alarm clock to silence the beeping that was only aggravating his headache. He knew that he had to be down in ten minutes to meet his manager who was going to pick him up for yet another day of planning and dance practice, but he really didn't feel like getting up today- or ever. Finally he managed to sit up and cradled his spinning head in his hands. He didn't drink yesterday, or anytime the last week. It would have been too easy to just call this a hangover, but combined with the sparks erupting behind his closed eyelids Jun was pretty certain he was heading for a giant migraine and that he really couldn't deal with right now. He knew that he was in dire need for a shower, but for now the most important thing was to find his medication he had hid somewhere in his bathroom.

If only his brain would work properly to actually make him remember, but for now it felt like painful mush that was in no way capable of handling the world right now. It had been years since his last migraine and he had hoped he had overcome this, but the telltale signs were omnipresent and not to be ignored.

Opting against turning on the lights Jun stumbled towards the bathroom and managed to locate the blister containing his medication after a short search. He really hoped it was not expired yet, but for once he didn't care as he popped open the blister and deposited a tablet on his tongue. Of course he would prefer his hydrogenated water, but that was in the kitchen and Jun currently in the bathroom, not willing to move again, so tap water had to do. Steadying himself on the edge of the sink Jun leaned down and took a small sip from the tap, his stomach lurching at the lingering taste of chlorine, but he managed to swallow the medication.

While the fog in his brain started to clear up Jun couldn't help but wonder what had brought this on. Of course he was a little stressed with the concert preparations for the Kokuristu concert, but that was something he was used to. The only other reason he could think of was that he was getting sick, but this was something he really didn't want to think about, so better blame it on the stress. And after all, the medication was starting to work.

Still, contacts were out of question for the day. He could go with his normal glasses, but found himself reaching for the sunglasses. Though his headache was slowly ebbing away it was only a matter of time that the medication stopped working and he knew from past experience that direct light would only make it worse.

By the time he finally made it downstairs he was late. The car of his manager was already parked in front of his building and without so much as a hello Jun got in, closing the door behind him and wincing slightly at the noise the door made, as it slammed shut. His manager turned around and looked at him as if he was about to scold Jun, but chose not to say anything when he noticed the sunglasses and the sour expression Jun was wearing.

Maybe something had been off about the medication, maybe it had expired long ago. By the time they reached the studio it was gnawing at Jun's brain again, hindering every coherent thought. Without a greeting he made a beeline for his chair and sat down. He ignored the chatter around him and got out his laptop. Let's get this over with. From a few meters away he could hear the quiet voices of the others floating over. "Hung over..." He made out and while he wanted nothing more than correct them, he was also thankful that no one was suspecting him to be anything else but hung over.

The visual symptoms were also returning and now the letters on his computer screen were blurring and moving, so in the end he had to take off his sunglasses. The bright light sent stabs of pain through his skull and Jun squeezed his eyes shut, massaging his temples with one hand.

Somehow he made it through the meeting while his headache kept increasing steadily. He chose to ignore the looks of disdain his band mates were sending him throughout the entire meeting. He knew that they didn't approve of his habit to show up hung over after a night of drinking.

As always Sho looked especially pissed at him. The two of them worked very well together, but occasionally clashed and Jun was not quite sure if his head would survive this today. It also didn't help that he still had this lingering crush on Sho he could mostly ignore, but it sometimes made him weak, especially when he was not feeling well physically. He shuddered slightly. It felt like Sho's gaze was made out of ice and another wave of coldness swept over him. Right now he could focus on only one thing: Showing no weakness and surviving this day. All while feeling as if something was slowly drilling into the base of his skull.

Adding to the pain and the increasing chills Jun felt a wave of nausea wash over him when his manager informed him that their lunch had been delivered. And while the others flocked over to the array of bento boxes to chose from, he silently made his way to the bathroom, swallowing back against the rising bile in his throat. By now he could not deny it anymore: He was sick and only the fact that they thought he was hung over stopped the others from finding out about this.

He had not eaten for over 24 hours so after spitting out a bit of bile, Jun thought the nausea should get better any minute. A series of dry heaves made him double over, resonating in his hammering head. He knew that he had to get back to the others soon, but his legs refused to carry him as Jun tried to get up. With a small groan he rested his head against the cold porcelain of the toilet, a relief against his burning skin. Finally he made it upright, but his vision kept swimming in and out of focus. They had a dance rehearsal coming up and Jun was not sure if his body could take it, but once again his stubbornness won and he made his way back to the others, one hand trailing against the wall to catch him if necessary.

"Took you long enough." Sho was obviously not in a good mood and besides the persisting headache, general feeling sick and nausea Jun now started feeling both guilty and embarrassed. He mumbled a quick "Sorry" and without further ado they lined up to start their practice.

As usual they started out with a song they all knew fairly well to warm up, but Jun felt his stomach give an uncomfortable lurch when the intro of "Truth" started playing. He made it through the first pirouette, one turn, another and at the third he lost his footing.

His knee hit the ground first, followed by his elbow and his shoulder, the cold floor a momentary relief against his skin before pain washed over him. Black dots erupted behind his eyelids when his head hit the floor with a heavy thud. The music was distorting to a cacophony of sounds and the screams of his band mates pierced through the fog right into his brain. Get up, start again. Act as if nothing is wrong. Jun struggled to push himself up on shaking arms. Cold hands against his burning skin, more voices, loud voices and finally blackness engulfing him, silencing all the sounds. A relief. 

Once again he could hear silent voices, scratching at the edge of his consciousness. Someone forced his eyes open, shining a bright light into them and Jun pulled away. It felt as if someone had driven a knife up his brainstem and twisted it. Before he could regain control over his body a sob escaped his lips, echoing loudly in the following silence. More voices, but he was not quite ready yet to make out the meaning of what was being said. And once again he gave in to the darkness gnawing at the edge of his consciousness.

The smell was the first sign to tell him where he was, a stabbing pain in his nostrils, disinfectant. So a hospital. Maybe they could make his pain go away. Coming to think of it, the pain had faded slightly and with great effort he managed to open his eyes, blinking carefully to prepare for another stab of light. The room he was lying in was dark and Jun let out a sigh of relief. Everything was slightly blurry and unfocussed- they must have taken his glasses. He had been an idiot, not telling anyone about this. He could only imagine how angry his band mates were, how angry Sho was. Emotions threatened to overtake him and he felt tears welling up in his eyes. At least there was no one to witness he thought bitterly, as they started spilling from his eyes. And then a warm hand came to rest against his cheek, the touch soft and tender, a thumb wiping away the tear that had escaped.

"Hey." The low baritone resonated in his head, but Jun was relieved to find that for once his headache didn't return with full force. "Are you in pain?"

He carefully moved his head to the side, turning away from the touch. He couldn't allow himself this weakness, don't give in to the touch; it would only hurt worse if he didn't pull away in time. Never let the hope take root in his heart, that was what he had promised himself all these years ago. This was only a dream, don't let it get to you. The hand followed his movement and shifted slightly, pushing the hair out of his eyes. "Jun, can you look at me?"

He closed his eyes, willing the feverish vision to leave him. It was still there when he opened his eyes again. By now he had adjusted to the dark and he could make out the outlines he was so used to, the slim frame, the slightly sloping shoulders.

"I'm sorry." He finally managed and held his breath, not trusting himself to stop speaking. It was all getting too much to handle and he was desperately hoping for the darkness to take him again. But like before his body was refusing to do what he was asking for and he took another shuddering breath.

Sho didn't respond but rather took a deep breath himself. "The doctor will be here soon and I'll take you home afterwards." _(A/N: This is NOT what would happen in real life! If you faint and hit your head hard enough that you pass out, you've booked yourself an overnight stay in hospital, but I need Sho to take Jun home...)_

When the doctor arrived, he shone a light into Jun's eyes, once again making the fireworks behind his eyelids erupt and started explaining medical stuff in big words Jun's brain couldn't quite grasp, but apparently Sho's could, because he was nodding along eagerly and finally the doctor handed them a bunch of papers, bid his goodbyes and left them. Seconds later a nurse showed up to rid Jun off the i.v. line connected to his left lower arm and then Sho pulled him upwards, leaning him against his own chest and Jun was certain that he was taller than Sho, but right now it didn't feel like it. He rested his head against the nape of Sho's neck and allowed himself one small inhale.

Sho kept his arms wrapped tightly around Jun's shoulders and guided him outside. It was pouring and the rain momentarily cooled down Jun's overheating head but all the same made him feel much colder than he had before. He shivered slightly and Sho tightened the grasp around his shoulders. He was guided into a car he was quite familiar with- his manager's car and slumped down into the backseat while Sho kept pushing him, squeezing himself between Jun and the door of the car. Jun slumped against his chest and before he could pull away Sho placed a comforting hand on his head, keeping it firmly lodged against his chest.

The regular rising and falling of Sho's chest against his cheek lolled Jun to sleep and before he even noticed the time passing they had seemingly teleported to their destination and Sho once again pulled him up, leading him to the door of a big building Jun couldn't quite place for a second before remembering that this was where Sho lived. It took him longer than usual to sort his swirling thoughts and then it hit him. Sho was not bringing him home, Sho was taking him to his own apartment.

He tried to push Sho away, only to have him tighten his grip. "Careful, I don't want you to fall again."

Something was off, Jun decided while Sho shoved him through the door into his apartment, but he couldn't quite wrap his mind around it. It was only when Sho stirred him towards his room and sat him down on the bed, when it finally dawned on him.

"Why aren't you angry?" He blurted out, before he could stop himself. Sho, who was currently unbuttoning his shirt, froze and looked up.

"Oh, I AM angry, but for now I'm more worried. I'll scold you when you can actually process what I'm saying." He gave Jun a soft smile he couldn't quite place and unfastened the last button. His brain was clearly not working properly, Jun mused. Sakurai Sho, the crush he had had for over a decade now, was currently undressing him and he was doing nothing to stop him.

"Oh." Sho paused and stood up. "Wait here." Jun stared after him as he left the room and slowly reached to close the buttons on his shirt again.

"No, stop that!" When had he even returned? Sho placed a hand on top of his and moved it away from the shirt. He then reopened the buttons and helped Jun out of it. "I got you something more comfortable."

If he hadn't been so out of it, Jun would have found it amusing that Sho was currently dressing him in a camouflage patterned sweatshirt.

"Lie down, it's easier that way." Sho instructed and helped him down onto the soft mattress smelling off Sho. A good scent, Jun decided and closed his eyes. Only on the edge of his consciousness he felt Sho's hands on his hips. It could be really erotic, he mused, that Sho was taking off his pants, but before he could voice his thoughts, sleep once again claimed him.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

It was dark when Jun opened his eyes again. His headache was still present, but had weakened a bit so he could actually move without feeling like his head was going to split in two very painful halves. Soft light was illuminating the doorframe and Jun could make out soft voices talking. He was feeling fine now, he decided, so he could go home and let Sho use his bed. He still felt bad for intruding. Technically Sho had dragged him here, but it hadn't been voluntarily and Jun was only waiting Sho to snap and scold him like he had warned him, he would.

The bed creaked a little when he shifted to swing his legs over the edge of the mattress. He was still wearing his own pants, so he probably had imagined Sho undressing him. It was really embarrassing- as soon as he was a little out of it, his crush would resurface in a violent manner, distorting the meaning of everything that had ever happened to him. Suddenly small gestures such as Sho holding the door for him, when he was right behind him turned into confessions of his love and while a rational part of Jun's brain knew that it was not true, he felt like the reasoning behind his crush was being reinforced. 

He shivered slightly as his feet touched the cold floor. He probably still had a light fever, but he'd be fine on his own. He would just ask Sho to call him a taxi and leave as soon as possible.

When he pushed open the door to the living room he could hear the voices more clearly. Sho's back was illuminated against the shine of the lamp standing in the corner. He was talking into his phone and hadn't noticed Jun yet.

Jun was about to say something when he heard his name. "Sorry, I've got Matsumoto with me right now, so it might not be the best idea to come over."

His heart dropped when he tried to comprehend the meaning behind the words. Sho clearly had someone he wanted to see more than him and while he had known about this, it still hurt. Etching back into the shadows, Jun leaned against the wall.

"I know. Annoying. That idiot really doesn't know when to stop...." Well, Sho was right on this one. Jun felt his cheeks heat up. Maybe it was a bad idea to stay, he shouldn't eavesdrop and staying was probably a masochistic move of special proportions. Now Sho laughed in a dark and bitter way. "He hasn't changed a bit. Still the annoying kid he has always been... God, I'm glad when this is finally over. If Satoshi-kun hadn't asked for a break I might have snapped at some point."

Sho repositioned himself on the sofa, changing the phone to his other hand.

"It's really hard to act as if I actually care on TV."

Jun's breaths were coming in gasps by now. He had one hand slapped over his mouth to stop them from escaping. If only he had known before how much Sho despised him.

"And that crush he has on me is pathetic." Sho laughed again, twisting the dagger in Jun's heart. "'Is it love or like?'" His voice was changing now and Jun was starting to get afraid.

"I just wished I had never met him." Sho had turned and was staring right into his tear streaked face.

"Jun! Hey, Jun!" A hand on his shoulder, shaking him. A cool feeling on his forehead. A curse, then something was shoved into his armpit. Another curse.

"Wake up!" There was something urgent about the tone of the voice piercing through his head, distorting his reality. He was starting to feel cold all over, shivering, clawing for something to warm him up again. Meanwhile hot lava was pouring over his head, burning it's way into his brain.

He tried to scream but couldn't make a sound. And then the fire in his head was being extinguished. With a gasp Jun sat up.

The world around him was slightly blurry, as he took in his surroundings. The door to the living room was standing wide open, light shining into the bedroom. He was being held upright by strong arms wrapped around his waist and shoulders. He couldn't quite explain it, but he was completely wet.

"Thank god!" Sho's face swam into focus. He was panting almost as hard as Jun, his hair plastered to his face and his eyes widened in something Jun would have described as fear. What had happened? How had he gotten back to bed? Why was he this wet?

As if Sho had read his thoughts, he explained. "When I came to check on you, you were crying in your sleep. You must have had a nightmare, but I couldn't get you to wake up and your fever spiked." His voice had started shaking and before Jun knew what was happening Sho had leaned forward, engulfing Jun in a big hug.

"Say something. Please say that you're ok." Sho's voice sounded urgent and finally Jun croaked out a low "Sho-kun".

He was still trying to figure out how reality had shifted. "You don't hate me?" He finally asked, his face still buried in the nape of Sho's neck.

"Why would I hate you?" Sho rested his hand on Jun's head and started stroking in slow circles.

"You said, you wished you had never met me." Jun sobbed, holding onto Sho's back as if he was going to disappear the moment he let go. And it was like he had expected. Sho shoved him away, holding him at an arms distance while his tears started falling freely. The only confusing thing was the expression Sho was wearing; a mix of pity, worry and something Jun couldn't quite place.

He stopped as if to think for a moment and then pulled Jun back into his arms. "I'm really, really glad I met you. It was just a nightmare."

They stayed like this for some time and eventually Jun's breathing slowed down and he was starting to understand what had happened. It had just been a nightmare. Sho didn't hate him.

With a final pat on his back Sho let go of him. "Let's get you changed. When you wouldn't wake up I panicked and emptied the bowl with cold water over you." He looked slightly embarrassed and looked down on Jun who was still dripping water.

Jun followed his gaze and let out a sigh of relief. He was wearing jogging pants, a last proof that it had only been a dream.

Leaning heavily on Sho he made his way to the living room and sat down on the sofa, while Sho went to change the sheets and get something new for Jun to wear. By now Jun was starting to feel cold again and had finally managed to struggle out of his wet sweatshirt when Sho returned to the living room. He was carrying a big fluffy towel he immediately draped over Jun's shivering frame.

"Let me just check you temperature once more, you were running quite hot earlier." Sho handed him the thermometer and sat down next to Jun, the sofa dipping slightly and before Jun could react he lost his balance and ended up lodged firmly against Sho's side. His heart skipped a beat but before he could sit up again, Sho draped an arm over his shoulder and pulled him closer. His heart was starting to do funny things while they stayed like this until the thermometer beeped.

"Well, at least it went down." Sho showed the thermometer to Jun which was sporting the numbers 38.9°C. "Come on, back to bed I'd say. How is your head?"

He took the towel from Jun's shoulders and started carefully drying off his hair. "Hurts. But not as bad as before." Jun averted his gaze, but smiled slightly.

Sho helped him into another sweatshirt and when Jun started swaying slightly, helped him stand and led him back to the bed.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Jun was not quite sure what woke him. The door to the room was standing wide open, letting the delicious smell of coffee in. Jun was still slightly dazed and while his headache was not yet gone, it was at a level where he could ignore it and judging by how light his body felt, his fever had gone down, too. He sat up, the thin blanket that had covered him dropped from his shoulders and he yawned. A small breeze moved the curtains and sent a small shiver down his spine. Maybe he was not quite ok yet, Jun mused as he crawled back under the blanket. Just sitting up for a few seconds had left him exhausted and he was about to close his eyes again when he noticed a movement in the hallway.

Sho looked soft, there was no better word to describe him right now. He was wearing a white sweatshirt and loose grey jogging pants. It might be related to his own lack of glasses Jun mused while he took in the sight. His slightly dazed brain was not ready to let go of this picture and Jun flinched when Sho suddenly moved.

"You're awake. How are you feeling?" Sho sat down the tray he had been carrying and turning his back to Jun sat down on the edge of the bed.

Jun yawned once again, before answering. "Better. Thank you."

Before he could move Sho had leaned forward as if he was about to kiss him and placed his forehead against Jun's. Momentarily Jun stopped breathing. His breath must smell horrible and what was Sho even doing? So in the end he just stared into Sho's eyes, taking in the beautiful brown with dark specs.

Leaning back Sho patted down Jun's fringe and smiled. "You're still warm, but not worryingly so."

He got up again and shifted to the floor, kneeling down in front of the bed. "Do you want some coffee?" Jun nodded and Sho handed him a mug with black coffee.

"I'm sorry, I don't have almond milk." He shot Jun an apologetic smile and Jun felt his cheeks heat up. Why did Sho have to tease him about this when he was not feeling well enough to react? After a few seconds he blurted out "Black is fine." and took a hasty sip from the cup. The hot liquid burned the roof of his mouth, but he didn't dare spit it out. He was not quite ready for Sho's teasing. He was still dealing with shoving his feelings back in the corner of his mind from where they had escaped.

And if he remembered correctly, Sho was still angry with him. Maybe he should get him to finally voice that anger, it might even help with dealing with his own thoughts.

"I thought you were angry with me." He muttered, his gaze still focussed on the black coffee swirling in his cup.

"I am. But let's talk about this later." Sho was getting up, pulling away and Jun was not sure if his heart could take this. On slightly shaking arms Jun pushed himself up so his back came to rest against the wall and turned to face Sho.

"Can we just get this over with?" He begged, hating how weak he still sounded. It was better to know what Sho was thinking than imagining what must be going on in his head.

Still, Sho didn't stop, leaving Jun on his own. A feeling of dread was threatening to overwhelm him. His thoughts were going in circles, but he couldn't find a way to get out of this.

Then Sho returned, carrying a chair, which he placed in front of Jun's (well, technically Sho's) bed. He sat down and eyed Jun warily before finally speaking.

"You're an idiot. You should have told us that you were not feeling well. Instead you decided to hide it and in the end collapsed. Can you even imagine how worried I was? And what was even worse: You didn't trust me enough to tell me before."

Sho's voice was getting louder while he was speaking. Without noticing he had switched from "us" to "I", but Jun was too preoccupied to notice. So Sho did hate him. His heart was plummeting and so was his blood pressure apparently, since he was starting to see black dots dance in front of his eyes, blurring the picture, but he willed himself to stay upright. Sho was not quite finished yet.

"I've been trying all these years to get my Macchan back, but you don't even trust me enough to tell me things like that. What did I do so wrong that you can't trust me anymore?" Sho's voice was breaking, but by now Jun was not able to see his face anymore while his vision kept fading.

"And I know it's stupid how much I care about you...

...Hey, Jun? You still with me?"

Jun wanted to nod, but when he moved his head he slumped forward and everything went black.

It could only have been mere seconds because when his vision finally returned, Sho was holding him upright. "Jun? Hey, wake up!" He couldn't miss the urgency in his voice.

"I'm awake." He mumbled against Sho's shoulder and hoped to mask the thickness in his voice.

"I knew this was a bad idea." Sho mumbled as he carefully lowered Jun back onto the bed. "You need rest."

He got up to leave the room, but finally Jun cried out. "Please, Sho-kun, don't go!" His voice was heavy with tears that had finally started spilling over his cheeks.

Sho's face displayed slight shock when he hurried back to Jun's side.

"I thought you hated me." Jun sobbed. Suddenly everything was becoming too much for him. "Ever since I admitted I liked you, you pushed me away. How could I trust you if I knew you hated me for having this crush on you?"

Sho froze, staring at Jun in disbelief. "Crush?"

He had said too much. Stupid fever was making him lose his self-preservation. Why had he even said it? How could they ever go back? And right now he couldn't even run or hide behind his work. He was completely exposed and it felt like Sho was looking at his raw soul. So in the end he just nodded and closed his eyes so he didn't need to see Sho's reaction.

Soft lips against his. The slight taste of coffee. A gentle roughness. A hand in his hair, pulling him closer.

"Oh, Macchan." Sho sighed against his lips and kissed him again. "We're both idiots, aren't we?"

Jun was not quite sure if he was dreaming again but even hours later Sho was still by his side, spooning him from behind, seemingly content with just spending the day in bed with Jun. For minutes at a time he was gone, once phoning their manager to inform him that both he and Jun were too sick to work. Then to get Jun a bottle of water.

When he returned, once again kissing Jun, Jun smiled. "If this is what happens when I don't tell you about feeling sick, I might do this more often." Sho just slapped him on the back of his head and froze, when Jun squeezed his eyes shut in pain.

"I'm sorry!" He carefully placed a kiss on the nape of Jun's neck and laughed quietly. "Please, I don't think my poor heart can take any more worrying." He had small crinkles around his eyes and Jun leaned over to kiss him again. He could stay like this forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finishing this short story before posting for Sho-exchange starts and my family comes over to help with moving...

**Author's Note:**

> With moving, starting a new job and everything I'm a bit stressed right now. And writing fics is the better form of procrastination...


End file.
